two years.

Zuma beach

Years ago, I watched the movie Rabbit Hole and on days like today, this exchange always pops into my head.  I think it articulates so well what I haven't yet been able to.

Becca: Does it ever go away? 
Nat: No, I don't think it does. Not for me, it hasn't - has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though. 
Becca: How? 
Nat: I don't know... the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and - there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful - not all the time. It's kinda... 
[deep breath] 
Nat: not that you'd like it exactly, but it's what you've got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn't go away. Which is... 
Becca: Which is what? 
Nat: Fine, actually.